Befriend your Emotions

Inspired by an article by Noel Haarburger

Dealing with unpleasant, or in general speaking strong emotions, can be very draining and frustrating. It often leads us to a rather negative, depressed state of mind, where we try to get away from it or even think our way out of it because we want to feel better! But the goal isn’t always to “feel better” but to get better at feeling. Often, we try to fight, fix, or overthink our emotions, which can trap them in heavier, long-lasting states. Instead, by noticing and staying present with our feelings, without judgment or over-analysis, we allow them to flow naturally. Emotions arise, peak, and pass, and by simply naming and feeling them, we can calm our reactive brain and reduce their power over us.

Being present with emotions can feel counterintuitive, especially in a culture that encourages avoidance or overthinking. Yet, this practice, done safely and gradually, helps us understand the messages within our feelings and prevents us from projecting past unresolved experiences onto the present.

As Terry Real* says, “There is no such thing as an overreaction; it’s just that what you’re reacting to is behind you rather than in front of you.” True confidence and freedom come from befriending our emotions: when we are unafraid to feel, we are unafraid of life itself. The only way out is through.

* Family therapist and Founder of the Relational Life Institute